holiday leisures

christmas time is finally just around the corner. it feels like only yesterday i was hustling around a busy boutique trying to help maniac customers find their "perfect" gift for the special someone. i am so thankful i am not working in a specialty retail store like my previous place of business anymore. the crazed customers, lengthy hours, and tense co-workers can really suck the life out of you and definitely drains the excitement of any holiday spirit.

it's a weird feeling getting to experience the christmas fever for the first time in a long time. by this time last year (or any year before last) i would be stressed, exhausted, and dreading whatever tomorrow would bring. not this year. no, i get the breathe this year. drink up the chill and thrill this time of year can bring. i get to just be during this time. it has made for a much nicer lindsey, that's for sure.

also i haven't been forced to endure christmas music since the week before thanksgiving until now.... i have been able to choose my own insanity based on my temporary emotions and what else is on the radio. seriously, i've said this many times before, but i just don't think retail is good for anyone to work in (especially during the holiday season) due to the consequences it can have on one's mind/heart/feelings.

because i have been able to enjoy this holiday season on my own time, i have a few things that i can already call favorites, or perhaps what is to be looked most forward to. and they are as follows:

favorite songs thus far
michael buble - i'll be home for christmas
dean martin - baby, it's cold outside
hallelujah by whoever sings it in the most haunting manner

things i'm looking most forward to
christmas decoration sight seeing with the fam, or at least with benjers
the nutcracker (televised or rented)
watching scrooge with my family and benjies... a family tradition
watching a christmas story on rerun all christmas day!!
hot cocoa in the right hand while walking around the square with my left hand attached to ben's right hand..... this is a must sometime soon.


k, that is all for now.... the later in the season it get's i'm positive i'll have more updates. until then.

i realized my sporadic feeling of discontent comes from my lack of living a good story... I do not make the most of my days but instead dwell on pasts forgotten or wish for more exciting tomorrows. I have a good life. I just need to learn to live it

...over one year later...

diligence. maybe not my style, always.

life has changed tremendously since my last post. i quit a job i felt so lonely in, took on two jobs that were more or less stopping points on a wide and vast growth spurt, left both of those jobs for my current one where i am learning/ growing/ expanding each day from and within. i am finally figuring out who i am more and more each day, with the understanding that i will be a completely different person 5 years from who i am today.

my spiritual walk is sincere, and deeper than i could have ever imagined. i credit a lot of my new found understanding to beth moore's daniel study. so impacting. never wanted it to end. it's refreshing to receive spiritual guidance from one place or medium that is completely aligned with the teachings i receive weekly from the village. nothing contradicts. all is found from biblical truth that was not sifted through men's hands.

ben and i are one year closer to marriage... i feel. we have been through a lifetime of heights and struggles, and only a stronger bond to show for it. we are both learning how to make necessary sacrifices of self in order to live for Christ and honor the each other. we have a long way to go before the relationship becomes easy, but it is one bumpy road i am looking most forward to.

i am reading donald miller's 'a million miles in a thousand years,' and with each turn of the page i am reminded on how small my life is in comparison to this world. how insignificant my story is in the grand scheme of life. also, it is a constant reminder that i would not be mad if donald and i were friends. there was that one time i met him...

i am frustrated with college. more frustrated than i've been in a while. each passing semester should make one happy and elated with the promising future of their graduation. not for me. with each passing semester life gets that much harder to navigate through. currently i am facing the questions: how am i going to finish paying for this current semester? how am i going to pay for the next few? how will i continue working at the first job i love while finishing with the mundane classes that i dread? my impending graduation date seems further off than a million bucks, i don't know how to find joy, patience or clarity in this "special time of my life."

i still love my jupiter house coffee... and i could go for some right now. but i won't.

hokay. until... 2010...