This weather we're experiencing in North Texas is resonating with my heart in a big way. Clear, sunny skies and soft, cool breeze create such a wonder and appreciation for God's love for this unique city. I'm sitting in Jupiter House, on one of the most comfortable couches I've ever slouched in, and I'm delighting in watching the massive trees that decorate the courthouse's lawn dance and sway their lazy arms in the wind.
My bare feet dangle and sprawl across the long coffee table in front of me, and I feel at home; surrounded by dozens of strangers, and I feel at home. My ears are filled with Jason Mraz, Jack Johnson, and Gavin DeGraw who make-up one of my favorite Pandora stations, aptly named "Whispering Breeze Radio." They are the perfect artists to express my heart's pleasure on days like today.
I wish I didn't have any set plans today. I have an accounting class at 6:30, but I'd much rather be stretched out across a soft blanket laid underneath one of the strong and bending courthouse trees with Ben and a good book or fun game to be played. Lately Ben and I have been trying to stay away from the usual eat-out/rent-a-movie/stay-in sort of nights and substitute the events with a fun game at Art6 or with family... he is one of the most patient, imaginative, intelligent persons to play very ridiculous games with! I love that about him, and appreciate it most when I'm being an overly poor loser (which never really happens, I always win. always.)
My heart wants to hurt for the people in Galveston or Houston (and all the towns all around and in between) that have been greatly demolished by Hurricane Ike, but it just cannot seem to be moved from this positive, placid state it's in. Days like today, moments like right now, make me slip into a belief that nothing is truly wrong with this world... that everyone is experiencing euphoria just like I am. I know it's a complete lie and a trick Satan tends to tempt me with to make me forget about the truth and ugliness of this world, but it's my honest feelings right now.
The world around me is so broken, the world within me is so broken, however I can disregard that information immediately upon my heart's satisfaction, like right now. I think that's why it's so important to not stay sedentary in one place for too long. We need to constantly be acknowledging the world around us, the pain and depression it feels on a day-to-day basis. I told Ben I want to work with an organization like TOMS Shoes that creates and gives away one shoe to a little impoverished child for every shoe sold. I would be going to Africa or Argentina to do shoe drops every so often, and Ben questioned why I don't do something like that here. He said he knows the distress and dilemma Africa or even Latin America experiences, however we, as a nation, are so quick to forget (or look over) the poverty here in the U.S. He's right. There is poverty, abuse, and death right down the street from me, so why am I so apt to desire helping Africa and not think once about helping my neighbor?
I guess this is what happens to me when I really start thinking about the beauty and love easy days like today means to me. Yes, God created a day like today simply out of love and affection for us, His children, however I am not to experience these moments without any thought to what days like today mean to other people. This world is not about me, something I forget way too easily. This world was not meant for me, today was not meant for me... it's shared with me. His love is being shared with me in this moment, and I need to realize how exactly to pass on His love to others.
September 17, 2008
July 11, 2008
tulips and wine
Andrew Eenigenburg once asked me what is the most romantic thing Ben has ever done for me... I thought about it for a moment, for I did not want to give just any answer, and eventually I decided upon not one, but many similar acts he has done/does for me: surprise me with fresh exotic looking tulips and a letter sweetly and sincerely written out of his heart for me. It was a good answer, everyone decided, and a great thought to consume my jumbled mind for a few moments.
Weeks pass, almost a month, we celebrated my birthday with tons of friends, some family, food, drinks, and plenty of laughter. The night came and went too quickly, in my opinion. I wanted to freeze-frame the dinner aspect of the night, where friends from my childhood, present, and even future came together to let me know how much they love me. Aaron rapped while Ben beat-boxed a little medley for my "big day." Kristin Fowler, my best friend ever since infancy, Laurie, my dear sister, Denise and Caitlin, my two closest friends, all graced my presence in such harmony to my heart, as well as many, many other dear friends. I was swimming and flying, at the same time, with love... and a little alcohol. The night was barely spent with one on one time with Ben, which I lamented, being that he's my favorite of all, but a promise was made to celebrate my birthday just the two of us in the near future.
Another few weeks pass. The near future presented itself last night.
I came home from a looooong day at work, my feet were angry with me, my back was moody, and my mind was exhausted. I lent Ben my key for the day so that he could take care of Bailey through out the day, being that he had the day off, and I was going to be gone for about 10 consecutive hours. He met me at my house, already had taken Bailey out for the night, she was fed and reared up to bounce and play. I crashed on the couch upon arrival, needless to say. We cuddled, fiddled on the internet, watched late night tv, and just soaked up each other's loving. My door was closed to my room with the light on inside, I thought that was strange but I also just figured it had closed over time, my mind was too tired to ponder or investigate. Eventually I got up to begin getting ready for bed, I told Ben I was going to change in my room, so that he wouldn't walk in, and after opening the door to my suspicious room I was met with a picnic basket laid gently on my bed, filled to the brim with sweet goodies only Ben knows I love and enjoy: hot red tulips, a bottle of chardonnay, roasted almonds of butter rum and sea salt, vanilla and hazelnut coffee, a vanilla candle, and a card. I was so surprised, so ecstatic! I yelled and jumped in a manner of excitement, and demanded Ben's presence immediately. He was so humble, receiving praises and "thank yous" left and right. He just kept saying "of course," "it's no problem," and "it's not enough... there's more." He said I am to be met with a surprise at my house today, at one o'clock, and I am not to leave my house at all around then. I have absolutely no idea what's to come, I can't believe there's more to his surprise. Excitement, mingled with angst is beginning to boil within me. He has completely outdone himself, I never saw this coming.
I am truly blessed with such a wonderful life: amazing friends, loyal family, and one romantically spontaneous, incredibly loving, Godly manfriend!
Ben, if you read this, thank you for yesterday, today, and whatever tomorrow brings.
"The life of man is the true romance, which when it is valiantly conduced, will yield the imagination of a higher joy than fiction."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Weeks pass, almost a month, we celebrated my birthday with tons of friends, some family, food, drinks, and plenty of laughter. The night came and went too quickly, in my opinion. I wanted to freeze-frame the dinner aspect of the night, where friends from my childhood, present, and even future came together to let me know how much they love me. Aaron rapped while Ben beat-boxed a little medley for my "big day." Kristin Fowler, my best friend ever since infancy, Laurie, my dear sister, Denise and Caitlin, my two closest friends, all graced my presence in such harmony to my heart, as well as many, many other dear friends. I was swimming and flying, at the same time, with love... and a little alcohol. The night was barely spent with one on one time with Ben, which I lamented, being that he's my favorite of all, but a promise was made to celebrate my birthday just the two of us in the near future.
Another few weeks pass. The near future presented itself last night.
I came home from a looooong day at work, my feet were angry with me, my back was moody, and my mind was exhausted. I lent Ben my key for the day so that he could take care of Bailey through out the day, being that he had the day off, and I was going to be gone for about 10 consecutive hours. He met me at my house, already had taken Bailey out for the night, she was fed and reared up to bounce and play. I crashed on the couch upon arrival, needless to say. We cuddled, fiddled on the internet, watched late night tv, and just soaked up each other's loving. My door was closed to my room with the light on inside, I thought that was strange but I also just figured it had closed over time, my mind was too tired to ponder or investigate. Eventually I got up to begin getting ready for bed, I told Ben I was going to change in my room, so that he wouldn't walk in, and after opening the door to my suspicious room I was met with a picnic basket laid gently on my bed, filled to the brim with sweet goodies only Ben knows I love and enjoy: hot red tulips, a bottle of chardonnay, roasted almonds of butter rum and sea salt, vanilla and hazelnut coffee, a vanilla candle, and a card. I was so surprised, so ecstatic! I yelled and jumped in a manner of excitement, and demanded Ben's presence immediately. He was so humble, receiving praises and "thank yous" left and right. He just kept saying "of course," "it's no problem," and "it's not enough... there's more." He said I am to be met with a surprise at my house today, at one o'clock, and I am not to leave my house at all around then. I have absolutely no idea what's to come, I can't believe there's more to his surprise. Excitement, mingled with angst is beginning to boil within me. He has completely outdone himself, I never saw this coming.
I am truly blessed with such a wonderful life: amazing friends, loyal family, and one romantically spontaneous, incredibly loving, Godly manfriend!
Ben, if you read this, thank you for yesterday, today, and whatever tomorrow brings.
"The life of man is the true romance, which when it is valiantly conduced, will yield the imagination of a higher joy than fiction."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
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