diligence. maybe not my style, always.
life has changed tremendously since my last post. i quit a job i felt so lonely in, took on two jobs that were more or less stopping points on a wide and vast growth spurt, left both of those jobs for my current one where i am learning/ growing/ expanding each day from and within. i am finally figuring out who i am more and more each day, with the understanding that i will be a completely different person 5 years from who i am today.
my spiritual walk is sincere, and deeper than i could have ever imagined. i credit a lot of my new found understanding to beth moore's daniel study. so impacting. never wanted it to end. it's refreshing to receive spiritual guidance from one place or medium that is completely aligned with the teachings i receive weekly from the village. nothing contradicts. all is found from biblical truth that was not sifted through men's hands.
ben and i are one year closer to marriage... i feel. we have been through a lifetime of heights and struggles, and only a stronger bond to show for it. we are both learning how to make necessary sacrifices of self in order to live for Christ and honor the each other. we have a long way to go before the relationship becomes easy, but it is one bumpy road i am looking most forward to.
i am reading donald miller's 'a million miles in a thousand years,' and with each turn of the page i am reminded on how small my life is in comparison to this world. how insignificant my story is in the grand scheme of life. also, it is a constant reminder that i would not be mad if donald and i were friends. there was that one time i met him...
i am frustrated with college. more frustrated than i've been in a while. each passing semester should make one happy and elated with the promising future of their graduation. not for me. with each passing semester life gets that much harder to navigate through. currently i am facing the questions: how am i going to finish paying for this current semester? how am i going to pay for the next few? how will i continue working at the first job i love while finishing with the mundane classes that i dread? my impending graduation date seems further off than a million bucks, i don't know how to find joy, patience or clarity in this "special time of my life."
i still love my jupiter house coffee... and i could go for some right now. but i won't.
hokay. until... 2010...
November 3, 2009
September 17, 2008
dancing leaves around the poverty
This weather we're experiencing in North Texas is resonating with my heart in a big way. Clear, sunny skies and soft, cool breeze create such a wonder and appreciation for God's love for this unique city. I'm sitting in Jupiter House, on one of the most comfortable couches I've ever slouched in, and I'm delighting in watching the massive trees that decorate the courthouse's lawn dance and sway their lazy arms in the wind.
My bare feet dangle and sprawl across the long coffee table in front of me, and I feel at home; surrounded by dozens of strangers, and I feel at home. My ears are filled with Jason Mraz, Jack Johnson, and Gavin DeGraw who make-up one of my favorite Pandora stations, aptly named "Whispering Breeze Radio." They are the perfect artists to express my heart's pleasure on days like today.
I wish I didn't have any set plans today. I have an accounting class at 6:30, but I'd much rather be stretched out across a soft blanket laid underneath one of the strong and bending courthouse trees with Ben and a good book or fun game to be played. Lately Ben and I have been trying to stay away from the usual eat-out/rent-a-movie/stay-in sort of nights and substitute the events with a fun game at Art6 or with family... he is one of the most patient, imaginative, intelligent persons to play very ridiculous games with! I love that about him, and appreciate it most when I'm being an overly poor loser (which never really happens, I always win. always.)
My heart wants to hurt for the people in Galveston or Houston (and all the towns all around and in between) that have been greatly demolished by Hurricane Ike, but it just cannot seem to be moved from this positive, placid state it's in. Days like today, moments like right now, make me slip into a belief that nothing is truly wrong with this world... that everyone is experiencing euphoria just like I am. I know it's a complete lie and a trick Satan tends to tempt me with to make me forget about the truth and ugliness of this world, but it's my honest feelings right now.
The world around me is so broken, the world within me is so broken, however I can disregard that information immediately upon my heart's satisfaction, like right now. I think that's why it's so important to not stay sedentary in one place for too long. We need to constantly be acknowledging the world around us, the pain and depression it feels on a day-to-day basis. I told Ben I want to work with an organization like TOMS Shoes that creates and gives away one shoe to a little impoverished child for every shoe sold. I would be going to Africa or Argentina to do shoe drops every so often, and Ben questioned why I don't do something like that here. He said he knows the distress and dilemma Africa or even Latin America experiences, however we, as a nation, are so quick to forget (or look over) the poverty here in the U.S. He's right. There is poverty, abuse, and death right down the street from me, so why am I so apt to desire helping Africa and not think once about helping my neighbor?
I guess this is what happens to me when I really start thinking about the beauty and love easy days like today means to me. Yes, God created a day like today simply out of love and affection for us, His children, however I am not to experience these moments without any thought to what days like today mean to other people. This world is not about me, something I forget way too easily. This world was not meant for me, today was not meant for me... it's shared with me. His love is being shared with me in this moment, and I need to realize how exactly to pass on His love to others.
My bare feet dangle and sprawl across the long coffee table in front of me, and I feel at home; surrounded by dozens of strangers, and I feel at home. My ears are filled with Jason Mraz, Jack Johnson, and Gavin DeGraw who make-up one of my favorite Pandora stations, aptly named "Whispering Breeze Radio." They are the perfect artists to express my heart's pleasure on days like today.
I wish I didn't have any set plans today. I have an accounting class at 6:30, but I'd much rather be stretched out across a soft blanket laid underneath one of the strong and bending courthouse trees with Ben and a good book or fun game to be played. Lately Ben and I have been trying to stay away from the usual eat-out/rent-a-movie/stay-in sort of nights and substitute the events with a fun game at Art6 or with family... he is one of the most patient, imaginative, intelligent persons to play very ridiculous games with! I love that about him, and appreciate it most when I'm being an overly poor loser (which never really happens, I always win. always.)
My heart wants to hurt for the people in Galveston or Houston (and all the towns all around and in between) that have been greatly demolished by Hurricane Ike, but it just cannot seem to be moved from this positive, placid state it's in. Days like today, moments like right now, make me slip into a belief that nothing is truly wrong with this world... that everyone is experiencing euphoria just like I am. I know it's a complete lie and a trick Satan tends to tempt me with to make me forget about the truth and ugliness of this world, but it's my honest feelings right now.
The world around me is so broken, the world within me is so broken, however I can disregard that information immediately upon my heart's satisfaction, like right now. I think that's why it's so important to not stay sedentary in one place for too long. We need to constantly be acknowledging the world around us, the pain and depression it feels on a day-to-day basis. I told Ben I want to work with an organization like TOMS Shoes that creates and gives away one shoe to a little impoverished child for every shoe sold. I would be going to Africa or Argentina to do shoe drops every so often, and Ben questioned why I don't do something like that here. He said he knows the distress and dilemma Africa or even Latin America experiences, however we, as a nation, are so quick to forget (or look over) the poverty here in the U.S. He's right. There is poverty, abuse, and death right down the street from me, so why am I so apt to desire helping Africa and not think once about helping my neighbor?
I guess this is what happens to me when I really start thinking about the beauty and love easy days like today means to me. Yes, God created a day like today simply out of love and affection for us, His children, however I am not to experience these moments without any thought to what days like today mean to other people. This world is not about me, something I forget way too easily. This world was not meant for me, today was not meant for me... it's shared with me. His love is being shared with me in this moment, and I need to realize how exactly to pass on His love to others.
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