craziness encompasses

Less than 2 months to go!

I guess I have no right to complain, I chose the date knowing it will come sooner than I could blink. Planning a wedding on a restricted budget of little more than monopoly money is harder than I expected, however.

• Find the Venue..... check (just recently)
• Verify the date...... check (along with the venue finding)
• Finalize invitation....... check (now to gather the addresses.... if I want to invite person A, who is dating person B, does that mean I have to invite person C, person B's BFF who I only kinda know?!)
• Find, apply, sign on first year home.... check, check, soon to be check (cross the fingers!) - Lewisville, here we come. Denton, it's gonna be a sad day...
• Make final payment on the most beautiful, perfect dress ever..... will "check" soon and I cannot wait!!!
• Figure out if we're gonna do engagement photos/ bridal photos
• Finish pre-marital counseling
• Design Ceremony & Reception decorations.... (will we be able to feed the guests?.... how much will they hate us if we don't?)
  
• Decide on rehearsal dinner place
• Make sure everyone involved has their outfits.... (I want you to wear this... I mean as long as it's not too expensive to buy.... just please get it by X day...... but if you can't I understand.... when can I demand they do what I ask because it's my wedding!?!?)
  

What am I missing?... cuz I know it's a lot. What will be that thing, that event, that panic attack that is just waiting to surprise me at the last minute in the coming weeks?

I thought this process would be different. It's a lot harder to do on your own, without a mother to help and to eventually take over. It's hard when you're a pretty creative person and have dreamed of the perfect wedding since forever and then you realize it's impossible because, again, you have monopoly money to work with.

I just want a pretty wedding. I want one that will be memorable, and unique, and doesn't show that I had absolutely no money. It's hard to picture what it's going to look like after attending the numerous gorgeous, professional, perfect weddings that were sprinkled throughout these last few years.

I really do know I shouldn't complain. I am marrying the most wonderful person I've ever met, and that is all that matters. The sky could open up keeping all the wise safe in their homes and leaving only Ben, my uncle (the preacher) and myself to exchange our vows.... and I'll be content.

Please Lord, calm my soul. Tell me it's going to be okay, that it's going to work out. Help me trust your will to be done, Lord. Thank you for this new experience. Please bless it, and be glorified by it.
Amen.

New Years Wish List

It is pretty apparent 'New Years Resolutions' don't stick well. Instead I desire to create a list of events, activities, progressions, and changes that I would like to accomplish or at least aim for in 2010...

Events:
-Design and host a beautiful, small wedding that is both memorable and joyful for everyone involved.
-Experience a week to remember, following the wedding, filled with John Mayer live, Dallas attractions that only tourists experience, and a road trip to anywhere and nowhere with my loving new husband.

Activities:
-I want to maintain this workout high I have adopted this last week, eventually leading me to joining a yoga studio and being consistent with it
-I miss painting, creating collages, drawing, or simply just doodling. I used to escape for an hour or so a day by just engaging in one of these activities... my life felt way less stressful, and I was surrounded by art constantly.

Progressions:
-I would love to dive deeply into more Beth Moore Bible studies or perhaps get into a C.H. Spurgeon daily devotional. The two Bible studies I committed to this past year really lit a flare for my spiritual walk, and enlightened my biblical knowledge and understanding.
-As of late, my position at the salon has felt a bit muddled, I have lost my clear focus on my daily tasks and my main purpose in my role as the marketing personnel.... I wish to recapture this in the new year while perhaps moving up through the ranks (however that may mean). God has placed me in the position I am in for a reason and I hate the idea that I am wasting my time and talents when I could be exercising them in new and different ways.
-I want to graduate in 2010. I want so badly to be done with my undergraduate and put my learned skills and refined knowledge to work. It still feels a little impossible, but I know nothing is impossible.

Changes:
-Ben and I are looking to move to a place in Lewisville, where we'll both be closer to our work as well as more accessible to family. This will be a huge change for us, as we both have made our individual lives in Denton for the past 5 or more years. It's scary and exciting all at once. Many new opportunities will arise as well as many new decisions will surface that may change our entire life as we know it. What campus will we make home? Will we continue to plant roots into the Denton community or will we uproot and start anew in Flower Mound or maybe even Dallas?

What is your 2010 Wish List? What do you hope to accomplish, change, or at least aim for?

I thank God for the opportunity to see another year come and go. This last year had its challenges and heights, but it was a year that saw many great times with friends and family and will forever host a very important date for Benjamin and me. As I told Ben's father yesterday, we grew deeper with one another during our experienced vallies this last year and our relationship was polished with the sweet moments. I cannot wait to see what this next year holds, it is promised to be a good year, but only time will tell how great it may be.