He was loved. Maybe at times he didn't think so, or know it, but he was loved and deeply cared for all his life. In his younger years he was charismatic and humorous - always the life of the party. It was not hard for him to make friends, what with his love for athleticism and games. He was shy, and deeply self-conscious due to various physical ailments in which he battled since childhood; but most of the time you'd never know it. He carried a confidence and pride on into his latter years that easily became a shield to protect him in the more challenging times.
He was a romantic - in all aspects of life. He loved art and drawing, he loved music of many genres, and shared his passion for music with any who came near. Music became his fortress, a safe place for his mind and soul to escape to when the demands of life became too hard to bear. He loved women, he loved the female nuances. He loved a woman; he was madly in love with her.
She taught him many things in the short time they knew one another, she introduced him to Jesus Christ in a more intimate way than he'd ever known. Through her life, he learned to live, through her death, he learned to survive. She gave him three daughters. Three girls to love and hang on him, harass and annoy him, pick him up and carry him. In each of them, he saw their mother - in all of them, he saw himself. He knew the Lord, and he loved Him. He knew his life was in the Creator's hands at all times, and he found hope in that.
He lived a life that at times seemed burdened and hard-going. There were many days when the onslaught of life's little tragedies seemed to come on again and again like the crashing of waves, but in those trying times he'd still find ways to laugh, he'd still find songs to dance to, he still found moments to be enjoyed. In his darker moments, he kept to himself and did not let many people get too close. In those times he did not know how much he was loved, how many people cared for him.
Today it is known that he was loved. If not by the people around him, always by his Heavenly Father, always by the Author of his days.
I wrote this with my daddy heavily on my heart. He is currently going through some of the darkest days he's yet seen, and in these moments truth and love are difficult to penetrate his mind with. In these darker moments he falls prey to the lies of an even darker voice and those lies perpetually tell him he's of no worth. I wrote this with my heart fully convicted of my love for him and of the desire for him to know the truth. His life is worth the love of blood and sacrifice from a King - and nothing can separate him from that love (Romans 8:38-39)
January 18, 2011
January 6, 2011
The Unexpected
Like I said, things happen unexpectedly. I received an email from Delta today stating that I unfortunately was not chosen for the position at this time. Well, it was nice of them to send me an email letting me know instead of letting me wait it out like the flame of a candle slowly burning to the wick's end. It was unexpected, to say the least.
I had a false sense of entitlement, if you want to know the truth. I felt I deserved to have that position, it was my heart's deepest desire. How ridiculous of me to feel that way. What do I deserve, other than the rightful punishment for the sins committed against an Almighty God? Why would God "owe me" this? It's natural and okay to have feelings of disappointment over this, but shock...? Why should I feel shocked that Delta didn't choose me for this position? Someone told me they received thousands of applicants for the very position I applied for. Why should I feel I deserved it more than any of the other thousand applicants? There was the spark of hope that I felt when I received a phone call from a Delta employee to interview me. After spending close to 45 minutes on the phone with him answering all sorts of "what if" questions over possible scenarios I'd experience as a flight attendant, he told me he was happy to tell me I was passed on to the next level of the interview process - the online application. He told me to allow 3-6 weeks to hear back from them, and after 6 weeks I could contact them to find out about my status. I didn't even make it to 2 weeks. Now all I can think about was 'what did I put wrong on the application, what should I have said instead?'
The thing is, I answered every question truthfully, I made all entries honestly, therefore I can absolutely know they did not choose me, for me.
There is still hope, not with Delta, obviously, but with my future. The unknown. I still have hope that the Lord has a will for me. He knows my future, has set my steps before I was even born. I have hope and peace in the knowledge He has a job for me, He will place me in a position where I will be a tool for His good work - spreading His word to the unbelieving world. Loving my brothers and sisters, and caring for my family. He will allow me to be a coach for the First Grade team at the 9 AM for The Village - Flower Mound campus (a volunteer position that could have been jeopardized by the constant weekend flights of Delta). He will walk with me through any future endeavors and teach me His ways. I'm in good hands, hands that I don't deserve to be in.
I had a false sense of entitlement, if you want to know the truth. I felt I deserved to have that position, it was my heart's deepest desire. How ridiculous of me to feel that way. What do I deserve, other than the rightful punishment for the sins committed against an Almighty God? Why would God "owe me" this? It's natural and okay to have feelings of disappointment over this, but shock...? Why should I feel shocked that Delta didn't choose me for this position? Someone told me they received thousands of applicants for the very position I applied for. Why should I feel I deserved it more than any of the other thousand applicants? There was the spark of hope that I felt when I received a phone call from a Delta employee to interview me. After spending close to 45 minutes on the phone with him answering all sorts of "what if" questions over possible scenarios I'd experience as a flight attendant, he told me he was happy to tell me I was passed on to the next level of the interview process - the online application. He told me to allow 3-6 weeks to hear back from them, and after 6 weeks I could contact them to find out about my status. I didn't even make it to 2 weeks. Now all I can think about was 'what did I put wrong on the application, what should I have said instead?'
The thing is, I answered every question truthfully, I made all entries honestly, therefore I can absolutely know they did not choose me, for me.
There is still hope, not with Delta, obviously, but with my future. The unknown. I still have hope that the Lord has a will for me. He knows my future, has set my steps before I was even born. I have hope and peace in the knowledge He has a job for me, He will place me in a position where I will be a tool for His good work - spreading His word to the unbelieving world. Loving my brothers and sisters, and caring for my family. He will allow me to be a coach for the First Grade team at the 9 AM for The Village - Flower Mound campus (a volunteer position that could have been jeopardized by the constant weekend flights of Delta). He will walk with me through any future endeavors and teach me His ways. I'm in good hands, hands that I don't deserve to be in.
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