neglect, at its finest

my roommate's packing her side of the house. slowly. deliberately. every once in a while she comes across something that deems worthy of stopping to peruse over. usually it's something from our past: an old picture, note, journal entry. we have been best friends since we can remember, like around toddlerhood. she has been closer to me than my own sisters, and i bet she'd same the same about me. she's my maid of honor and has done more for my wedding than even i have. and i have neglected her.

i have not been the best friend i once was (although to be fair, when we were in elementary & middle school i "broke up" with her every summer because i wanted to have other friends and only felt this was possible without her in my life...... it would only last for a day or two.... i don't do that anymore). i have neglected a lot of my friends these last few years.

last sunday was my first bridal shower, and i was blessed with all the women from my current and past life that showed up for love, support, and celebration. i was honestly surprised at how many showed up, many of whom i have not spoken to in many years. they drove to me, for me, from cities and states away. i was blessed, and shocked, and moved beyond words.

last saturday i met with a not-so-long lost friend for drinks and talk. at one point, just a few years ago, i considered her one of my closest friends, yet life separated us so far that i had to follow to her not-so-new house so i wouldn't get lost, had to ask for directions within her house, and surveyed her lived-in upstairs with fresh, never-before-seen eyes. we cried with one another when we began speaking of how far our friendship has strayed. i had hurt her deeply, all because i was "too busy" being preoccupied with trivial life doings.

i asked two men, who at one point were my closest guyfriends (who i travelled to austin with for a weekend of servitude just a few years ago), for their addresses for wedding invitations. one was surprised i asked him, the other has since gotten married since the last time i spoke to him.

when did i become so self involved? where had i placed all the importance that once belonged to my closest friends?

i am so sorry for the neglect i have done you. you are important to me, more than you know. you are very important to me, and my life has felt bitter-empty without you there, it just took me a while to realize.